Fluffy, Not Fat

A few weeks ago I had to take a health evaluation for my nutrition class.

My roommate's trippin' cause we have the same percent body fat.

Should this be a big deal? No, it should not be a big deal.

She looks at me weird now.

While in the cafeteria tonight:

"I just don't get how we have the same amount of fat. I mean, I work out so hard and eat so heathy, and you don't work out hard and eat dessert everyday."

In my mind, "...is she calling me fat? What a dou....oh, they have a dessert table tonight!"

While shoveling pecan pie in my face, "Yeah. So weird."

I guess Jillian Michaels doesn't have any advice for that one, sugarlumps. Bummer.

It's funny how much my pie tasted like KARMA washed down with some ice cold WHAT, WHAAAT.

Anywhoser, the date for my patriarchal blessing has been set for January 7th!

I am so excited!! But it's unfortunate that I can't bring my good friends :( The Patriarch said the room was too small. So.... exclusive people only aka the Patriarch, his wife, and my parents.

I don't know what this has to do with my post. I'm just in love with these people.

Distance Is What You Make It

Most of the time, my post titles have nothing to do with anything.

But today, song lyrics have a purpose.

Don't get me wrong, we all know those people who post song lyrics on Facebook:

"He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar;;;; <3<3<3"

OH GAAHHHHH, then you're all annoyed that you added that person in the first place, so you delete them so they won't crap up your news feed anymore.

Or at least that's what I would do.

I just wanted to express my flaming love for music, mixed CD's, playlists, etc etc.

Make me a mix and I will shower you with love.

Introduce me to a new song or band and I will personally deliver a cheese quesodilla to your home .

Take me to a concert and I will fold your socks for a month.

Don't like these trade-offs? Too bad. I'm in college. That's all I got.

So, here's a slice of my soul.

Play it in the morning while you get ready.

While you lovingly make your oatmeal.

Or while you karate chop your roommate in her sleep.

Maybe something will catch your ear.

Like Nailing Jelly to a Tree

Has anyone else noticed that Netflix online is completely worthless?

I typed in all movies of interest that came out within the last 20 years and not a single one is available to watch online. Blasted, DVD only.

Only movies from the 60's are available online. Are 60's movies good? No one cares.

This is not service with a smile. I want to stream. STREEEEEEEEAM.

S T R E A M.

Obviously I'm still in Ely, and there still is nothing to do except eat.

I did run 3 miles this morning in preparation to eat some more.

Things I've discovered:

"Santa Clause is Coming to Town" is the scariest christmas song ever.

You will never get the butt you want by sitting on the butt you have.

Nevada weather is excellent. It's so dry here that I haven't had to wash my hair in 3 days.

Furthermore:

"Dad, I want to go to fashion school."

"No."

Now I will become a closet designer and make obscure, unwearable things because my father never let my potential talent blossom.

You inspire me, Emilee Rose Dyer.

However, I've been feeling extremely crafty since I've been here and have been getting my Christmas ideas and gifts together.

Wrap your weave around THIS:

Homemade Christmas cards and crafts made by my own bare hands.

Creepy? Not creepy. My hands are golden.

It's a good season to be on Karen's nice list.

I was thinking about making some headbands and maybe pillows also. Too many things! My hipster friend Leah gave me the idea to make these. She's so funny; we were helping to make dinner the previous night and she informed me that chopping cilantro is referred to as "Shammanah-ing the cilantro."

I'll take her word for it. Shammanah.

P.S. I love not having school.

Well...At Least I Have The Turkey Trot

This is me in Ely, Nevada.

Population: My relatives and the biker gangs who frequent Hotel Nevada.

Party party partaay.

This is our Thanksgiving getaway.

I come for the 10 pies, homemade rolls, and to keep the good times rolling.

My belly rolls start rolling...what?

Except that this year, my dad has invited his lady-friend...cringe.

No, Cringe is not her name, but I wish it was. I'd feel better about myself.

I haven't met her yet. But now I not only will get to meet her; I'll basically be living with her for two days. My aunt is making her her very own pilgrim table name card.

What's the big whoopty poopty?

This is weird. It's like she's already part of the family. They've been dating for 3 months.

I keep telling myself that I'll just run my feelings away at the little 5k Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day.

So fast. Running. Fists punching the air. Lungs crippling. Face in pure agony. I'm lightning.

I'll collapse on the finish line, first place of course, collect my winnings, spray gatorade on the crowd of bikers that came to support. I disappear into the wilderness, punch grizzlies and eat berries like I learned from Survivorman. Happy Thanksgiving to me.

But more importantly, Happy Thanksgiving to you!

You A-sian, Not B-sian

Sometimes my little brother says funny things, like the title of this post, which reminds me how much I suck in college.

Or his alternative to the mess-with-the-bull metaphor, "Mess with the lizard and.....it runs."

Or how he calls my dad by his first name just to get tackled.

Or how fondly he speaks of World of Warcraft, "Karen, look at my sick guild."

Sometimes I miss him.

Sometimes I wish I had photos of him to show you.

He's kind of a mystery.

This weekend was a treat.

I went to my first ever bridal shower and it was ILL.

Cecilia's little sister was so sweet to have helped put together this party for her.

Homemade spinach dip, cream puffs, cookies, and seven layer bean dip. YUM.

Silly "naughty" games and gift giving. YUMMIER.

This shin-dig was definitely one for the books.

Congratulations, Cec!

You know what?

Mondays are awful.

You know what else?

I have a pair of vintage grandma loafers and missionary mail waiting for me at home.

Oh sweet aunt jemima.

My Life in a Box

Today, I was feeling crazy.

So I bought a pack of cinnamon gum.

It's way too spicy.

I'm so edgy and wild.

I make it through the week with the knowledge that my weekends will be to die for.

And yes, they usually are.

Last weekend I went down to Orem to fiesta with some of my muchachos.

My good friend Cecilia Warner is getting married and her fiancé was nice enough to hold a dinner party at his house in honor of her birthday. We had traditional Bulgogi, which is a Korean dish created by heavenly meat angels. We set up a fire outside and put a metal rack over it; then we grilled strips of beef and veggies on it while sitting on logs. I felt like a caveman, it was the greatest feeling ever. Minus the fact that we were getting snowed on. Where was my Mammoth pelt when I needed it?

Ben asked if I wanted any grilled pineapple.

My brain combined, "Pineapple makes me sick," with "Pineapples are gross," to create "Pineapple makes me gross."

PINEAPPLE MAKES ME GROSS?! With what, diarrhea? What's wrong with me.

The next day Miyuki-chan and I went thrifting about and found some deals.

DI is the best place to find ugly christmas sweaters and other strange things.

I bought a 4 dollar skirt. Super cute and vintage. Washed it 3 times. Still smells like thrift.

It's a cultural experience.

Food on the pit! There's the pineapple.

Cecilia!! So brown and so beautiful!

Me and Miyuki. D'awwwhhh.

Getting A's vs. Kicking A's

I failed another chemistry test.

At least I didn't cry this time....definitely did not cry....as much.

You know those kids who screw up the curve by getting 95% and don't let you forget it?

They're the ones who still wear sparkly Sketcher sneakers and those clever "I love Science, b*****s" T-shirts with elastic-waisted pants and strange anime hair; the people who like to look at pictures of medieval weaponry for fun. Does it sound like I'm hating?....Cause I admit I'm a little bitter. I was not born with the mental capacity to calculate scientific data with grace and agility like these students. It's a very messy process for me. Like giving birth to scientific results in the woods.

I overheard a classmate once: "What I lack in social skills, I make up for with science." Poor soul.

How was your guys' Halloween?

Crimson Night was scandalous, as usual.

I guess in college, wearing things that don't expose enough of your hoohoomachachas and skippywangles is socially unacceptable.

However, I did manage to have a great time with my friends this last weekend. I love Salt Lake City and the people I meet here.